Do you ever get the feeling like you’re a compass that’s spinning in every direction, trying to find its North? I read this reference in a short story by Stephen King once, and that’s exactly what I’ve felt like all my life. It’s like I know I’m looking for something and as I do I try many different things and get so many ideas just flowing into my brain 24 hours a day 7 days a week. But when I find my North, I know I’m going to hone in on it and focus 100% of my energy into that one thing. I think everyone needs to find their North to be truly happy. I’m getting closer every day.

I had my consultation appointment with Perth Laser Vision at Murdoch Hospital today. I had to go through two rooms of testing, where they had me look into all kinds of machines to map the surface of my eyes, check my retinas, and other such things. All in all they had to bring me up to four different types of machines before they sat me back down in the reception area to wait for the surgeon.

Finally, the surgeon called me into his office, where he tested my eyes with yet another gadget of some sort. And then came the words I’ve been waiting for: “You’re a good candidate for laser eye surgery. The surgery should be simple and straight forward, just a basic short-sightedness correction.”

You have no idea how happy I was. I’ve been saving up and planning for this for months and finally I get the OK. I made an appointment for the earliest possible date, which luckily happens to be next Thursday!

Obviously they can’t guarantee anything with 100% certainty, but he said that at my age they slightly over-correct vision on purpose, so when my eyesight worsens with age I shouldn’t even notice a difference for about 20 years or so.

I can’t wait.

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy for me and this one is no different. Tonight straight after work I have to go and work on my driving instructor’s website, tomorrow I’m going to play squash straight after work, Saturaday I have a driving lesson early in the morning and then going to Fremantle, and Sunday I have to be in Fremantle by 9:30 to go to Rottnest. It should be a great weekend, but won’t leave much (or rather any) room for sleeping in. Thankfully, I have Tuesday off for my laser eye surgery consultation appointment and should be able to snooze a bit that morning before having to get ready and leave. I wasn’t designed to not get some morning sleep-in time and have decided to not do anything next weekend except walk my dog and cycle and sleep.

HHRay is going out on Saturday night with some friends, which is great. Not because he’ll be away, just because I think it’s good for him to go out with his friends more.

My driving instructor and I were having a coffee in Fremantle today, taking a break from the 2-3 hour driving lesson. We started talking about dimensions, the paranormal, UFOs, and other related topics that we’re both interested in. My instructor said that he believes we are all born with a purpose in life – a purpose we choose ourselves before we are born in our physical bodies. And eventually we realize what exactly it is, and realize that our life has been leaning toward it for some time.

It really made me think – what’s my purpose in life? And as I look back on things I always think about and take an interest in and am passionate about, I think my purpose in life might be helping people and animals; helping to take care of the planet in general. It’s something that always seems to be at the core of what I’m passionate about. I think that maybe volunteering is what I associate with helping me get closer to nature.

I’ve been looking into various international volunteering organizations that are open to Australian residents. I’ve looked at the UN volunteering program, AYAD, and VIDA and am excited to see so many assignments listed. There are so many places that need help.

So I gave HHRay a call and asked if he had a few minutes to talk. I told him about what I was considering doing, about what I think might be my purpose, and about how the assignments usually range from about 3 months to 2 years in length.

“No.” Was the first thing he said after I said what I wanted to do.

He said three months was too long for me to be away, that I could always do it later. But when’s “later” going to be? I’ll still have to be away for just as long later. Does “later” mean when and if we break up? I don’t know if that’ll ever happen, what if “later” never comes and I never get to do it?

I suggested that maybe he could apply with me, maybe we can both help. Understandably, he said that he can’t just drop everything and go to another country. He has uni, work, everything here. I have everything here, too…I thought. But maybe his life purpose isn’t the same as mine. To me volunteering all over the world feels right and literally the only thing that’s holding me back is having to leave HHRay behind. Other than this, I don’t care about dropping everything and leaving.

HHRay couldn’t talk for long – he had to go to the gym. He said we could talk about it later. There’s that “later” word again. I hope that by “later” he means later tonight. I might have to initiate a conversation about our potential future, which we rarely talk about, but I have to figure out where I’m going to go from here.

Meanwhile, I’ve decided that it’s time for me to get the ball rolling with my dual citizenship proceedings – becoming a Ukrainian and Australian citizen. Having an Australian passport will make traveling around the world to volunteer in different places much smoother and less complicated.

My room is so unbelievably clean right now. Annual room clean ftw! (I was forced, I swear).

This is what I started out with:

And this is what I see now:

Today I was told that I have to move out of the house by the time I turn 21 – about 6 months. Which is fair enough, but could not have come at a more horrible time. Here I am, almost-out-of-a-job, not getting paid, and trying to find a completely new job in a completely new industry because there are pretty much no other game dev companies in Perth. This is like a bad dream.

So I went on a crazy resume e-mailing spree today. My top choice so far from the places I’ve e-mailed is an SEO company. The position itself doesn’t attract me that much, although I know that I would be good at it. It’s the further career advancement opportunities in the SEO area that attract me. Fingers crossed.

The C Restaurant was definitely not a disappointment overall.
Some points we noticed since we got there:
- Everyone is either French or has learned to imitate the French accent very well.
- The view is amazing.
- You feel like a fish out of the water for the first few minutes because you’ve never been to any place quite this fancy before.
- The service is superb.

For $74 each person gets either an Entre and a main course or a main course and a dessert. On Saturdays, Sundays, and public holidays, however, there is a 15% surcharge – which brings  the meal to about $80-something overall plus drinks. Additional Entres or desserts are $15 each. You get free appetisers – these are delivered in one miniature shot glass per person and are the only ‘free’ food you will receive the whole night. 

The watermelon-y appetizer

Anyway, we got there at 7:30pm hoping to be just in time for the sunset. We were in time, alright, but unfortunately ended up on the side where we couldn’t see the sun just as the sunset struck! In fact, most of the tables were on this side as well so nobody in the restaurant caught the actual sunset. This is one thing that HHRay and I were very disappointed with – it would be one thing if we just happened to be seated on the side that didn’t catch the sunset, but everyone was arranged in a way that we were all on the wrong side of the setting sun!

View

The food, in my opinion, was heavenly. I ordered the Chicken Roulade and HHRay had the Beef Fillet and we didn’t have to wait long at all for our food to arrive – at perfect eating temperature! 

CHICKEN ROULADE: Parma wrapped chicken and brie roulade, roast courgette, mango and macadamia relish   

BEEF FILLET: Char grilled grass fed Tasmanian beef fillet, Tuscan bread salsa, artichoke, lemon emulsion 

The food looked so great that I completely forgot to take a photo and began to eat as soon as it arrived. But I later remembered – when the meal was half-finished.

My half-eaten Chicken Roulade

HHRay's half-eaten Beef Fillet

HHRay also got French-talked into a salad to go with his beef, which we didn’t end up even touching as our meals were so filling! The portions were just about perfect – with me feeling just a little bit too-full by the end.

The salad-"The One We Didn't Eat"

For dessert I had a completely awesome Vanilla Parfait and HHRay had the not-so-awesome Chocolate Mousse (you can see how the photo quality is getting worse and worse as it gets dark):

Vanilla Parfait

Half-munched Chocolate Mousse

We also got a Vienna coffee for myself and a Cappucino for HHRay, but I forgot to take photos (it was too dark by that time, anyway).

Overall, it was a very nice night and I would definitely love to visit the C Restaurant again for another special occasion.

HHRay and I didn’t end up going away as we hoped. Instead he planned to catch up with a couple of friends we hadn’t seen in a while. We went to next generation, though I couldn’t do much at all because of my knee, and then to South Perth for a cup of coffee at Gelaré. The Vienna I got was a bit bitter for my taste, compared to the same coffee at other places. Their regular waffles, however, were absolutely heavenly – so much so that KiKi and I split another one for seconds.

Looking back on my iPhone purchase, I certainly don’t regret it. At the same time, however, having an iPhone – a little mini computer with 24/7 internet access – is a weird feeling. I feel much more connected to everything, but it’s as if I’m living in one of those virtual worlds where nothing is real.

I feel more connected to the other internet and iPhone users of the world through Safari (the iPhone’s default web browser) and applications like WordPress, Twinkle, Nimbuzz, AroundMe, and more. I can download new apps any time I want and I can find out the weather at the click of a button. I can even get un-lost with the Google Maps app.

At the same time, I feel less connected to the simpler real life things. Even on my morning walk from the bus stop to work – I pay less attention to buildings and trees and the things around me and more attention to what’s going on with my friends on the internet or even with strangers on Twinkle.

I have been saving and saving for a car for months. It’s been tough as we haven’t been paid in weeks. But my mom has made it very clear to me recently that she wants me to get out of the house and without going into all of the personal details, she also made it pretty clear that I need a car so I can get out now. 

So I sat there and realized that it was time to stop hoping to save more money. I went to drive.com.au and found a car in Bayswater. The very next day, HHRay and his dad and I went to look at it (stopping to see some cars in Vic Park first) and bought it pretty much on the spot. Now my mom will see that I’m actually going somewhere and making progress, despite the fact that I now have like $20 in my bank account. Not that she’ll care about that, she’ll just care that I’m finally getting out step by step.

Anyway, despite the weird trigger of this purchase and the fact that I am now literally broke as all my savings are gone, I am very happy with this car! We got it for $1000 less than it was meant to be because the son of the man who owns the dealership company brought the price down on the internet  listing without asking his dad first. His dad denied that the car was actually $4,900 at first when we came to see him, but after checking the listing admitted that it was his (and his son’s) mistake and said that he’d sell it for that price.

The car is beautiful. It looks like new. No scratches, no dents, perfect interior. It’s a burgundy 2001 Daewoo Lanos with only 68,000km on the odometer. There’s even a CD player even though the ad said it was a radio casette player. And…it’s a manual. So pretty much only HHRay’s dad can drive it. When I get my Ls (that is, when I get enough money to pay for the test) he’ll be able to start teaching me (him and some friends I have who are able to).

And now, photos of the car!!! It is currently at HHRay’s mom’s house and I haven’t taken any of my own, so here are pictures from the internet ad: