I’m sitting here, pondering over my day and trying to figure out how one is supposed to write a resignation letter.

First – I got to horseback ride for the first time in two years. I missed horses so much and this was such a great experience. Except my leg muscles are SHOCKING and I definitely need more practice to build them back up. But my balance was OK and when the horse bucked and kicked I was able to stay on. The nice man who let me ride lives close by and put me on a quieter horse of his this time, to see how well I ride. He horse was an absolutely gorgeous bay. Now I get to go back about once a week to ride another gelding, one who is a bit feistier. The gelding isn’t being used for anything, so he’s just sitting out in the paddock doing nothing. This will help me work my muscles back up and get back into riding, and also benefit the horse by exercising him. I was there from 9am to 10:45am.

Then, HHRay picked me up from the stable and we went to his mom’s house to help her finish redecorating her backyard for HHRay’s sister’s birthday party. The yard looks absolutely gorgeous.

HHRay just left my house and is leaving for toolies tomorrow. Well…it’s not exactly toolies, since he’s going with his cousin and his cousin’s friends, who are going on leavers. They needed an 18 year old there and invited him. I hope he has fun. Even though I started getting a bit nervous about him possibly getting completely smashed and hooking up with some random girl. But I had such a great time with him today and he reassured me in his own HHRayish way, telling me not to worry and I trust him. I hope he has a great time.

Now back to this resignation letter.

Alright, I was watching Lance Mason Relationship Mastery quite a while ago and I had to stop to write about this spot. He talks about not telling a woman you are dating that you’re dating other people because that’s how it works in “love and war”, because if she simply assumes that you’re exclusive, it’s all on HER and you’re not responsible for that. He says it is disrespectful and condescending to sit her down and tell her that you’re dating other people and that it’s a more open relationship.

I completely disagree. Some assumptions are safe to make in today’s society. Love and war aren’t the same thing. In war, two teams chop each other’s heads off. In love, two people on the same team chop the other teams’ heads off together. If a man says: “Will you go out with me?” and I say “yes” then heck yeah, I’m assuming that he means exclusively! Does the man probably know that most women automatically assume this after such a question? Yes. Any man who isn’t mentally challenged in some way knows. And the reason he doesn’t clear up that he may have a different idea is supposedly because it’s condescending and rude to the woman. Bull! The reason he doesn’t clear up that he may have a different idea is because the woman will then understand that they are operating under different assumptions and won’t want to be his non-exclusive fuck buddy anymore. Thinking that the woman will take his honesty about this as a rude or condescending thing is a giant assumption in itself.

By all means, I agree, expectations and assumptions aren’t a good thing and this goes both ways. But when you say “Will you go out with me?” to a woman, isn’t it safe to say that you at least like her? Why would you want to keep her in the dark about something you know she is bound to assume if you like her as a person just because “all is fair in love and war” and her assuming this is her doing and not yours?

Obviously, there are some unspoken agreements out there, where it’s simply unneeded to let anyone know that the relationship is not exclusive. But if you aren’t 100% sure, why risk hurting someone by basically chickening out of telling them and convincing yourself that you aren’t telling them because it’s ‘rude’ or because the assumption that the relationship is monogamous is her fault so you shouldn’t be required to do anything? And I do realize that the way the question is asked also has great impact on what kind of a relationship the asking party is implying. For example, if a man asks: “Will you go out with me sometime? We should hang out.” in the middle of a busy street, it’s obviously more casual than him looking into one’s eyes at a restaurant and saying: “Will you go out with me?”

Yes, in today’s society, it is safe for both women and men to make certain assumptions. When asked to enter a relationship, for a woman, monogamy is one of them. In today’s society, a one night stand doesn’t mean exclusivity to a woman. A long term relationship does unless specified otherwise. That’s what most young women view acceptable relationships as – monogamous. I can’t speak for older women as I haven’t spoken to many of them on this subject. Men know this. And if you are a man who purposefully keeps that it is not monogamous from the woman, don’t kid yourself or try to make yourself feel better about it by saying it would be rude to specify otherwise. Imagine what it’ll be like when she finds out that you’ve been operating under different assumptions the whole time.

I think the right time for an individual to be married is after they’ve had their chance to experiment with the opposite sex and try out everything that they may have fantasized or thought about sexually. After they’ve dated several people at once, had threesomes, had casual sex, had a homosexual experience, whatever it is that they feel they may be curious about.

When those things are done and over with and the person has gotten all the experience in the areas they could have been wondering about, that person is ready to look for something more stable. It is when that person can honestly tell themselves that yes, they’ve tried what they wanted as many times as they wanted, when they don’t feel the thirst or curiosity to try more different things with more people and dated different types of people, when they don’t feel the urge to check out other options and when they can say: “yeah, been there, done that” that they are ready to settle down with one partner.

And obviously each of these will be different for each person. One person may not feel curious about multiple partners or checking out what else is out there while another may have a hungrier beast to feed when it comes to experimentation and experiences with the opposite sex.

“Don’t look at me that way, it was an honest mistake.” – The Bravery

To me, infidelity has got to be the biggest no-no in the book. If my partner cheats on me, yes, I’d like an apology, I’d like an explanation, but only for the maximum amount of closure I can get before walking away. I’d retain more respect for the person if he came out and told me about the act himself rather than if I had found out from someone else. Even so, I’d want nothing to do with the person for a long, long, long time. I see no reason to cheat – if you think that your current relationship is worth sacrificing to hook up with someone else, break up with the person first. Drunkenness is not an excuse. Ever.

On the one hand, guys might think: “Well, what’s the point of telling her when I can keep it a secret knowing that I still have my relationship and got to have my fun for one night?”

It is very likely that one way or another, she will find out. When she finds out, she is likely to be more upset with you for not telling her. If she doesn’t find out and you can still live with the guilt, sure, nothing ‘bad’ will happen to you. But you’re scum. No offense. Actually, yes, offense. You’re scum.

If you choose to take the ‘nobler’ route (just to squeeze the little nobility you might have left after you cheated on your girlfriend/fiance/wife), here are some tips as to how you could go about confessing:

- Sit down and talk in person. Sit her down on a couch when neither of you are in a hurry and nobody is around. This could take a while.

- Do not sugarcoat the events. There’s no need to go into steamy cheating details about the event unless she absolutely demands them. But do not lie to her and tell her that it was just a ‘peck’ when it was actually a full make out session. Or that you only did oral when you actually went at it like rabbits the entire night. And personally, it doesn’t even really matter enough to lie about. Cheating is cheating, whether it be a kiss or a blow job.

- Apologize. If you’re one of those guys who can’t stand apologizing, this is the one time when you need to step up to the plate and do it.

- “I don’t consider it cheating.” Don’t even go there with this bull. First, it’s always a good idea to set clear boundaries at the beginning of the relationship. However, if you haven’t done so, keep in mind that to most women anything that involves heavy petting, kissing, and up is cheating. To some women flirting is acceptable, to others it isn’t. If your hand magically found its way onto another woman’s chest, know that you can pretty safely assume that you cheated. In fact, when it comes to your romantic partner anything you may have the urge to hide, anything you know you’ll get in trouble for, and anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partner is cheating.

- Don’t ditch the blame. Don’t bother with excuses. They make you look pathetic. You did something wrong. Own up to it.

- If you don’t want to break up. So let’s say you cheated and you honestly regret it. You don’t want to break up with this person and you are terribly sorry. If your girlfriend says she wants nothing to do with you, she is likely to mean it…to an extent. First, you can be sure that if you come out and tell her about what you did yourself and in person, she is more likely to ever take you back. Second, she may know her her mind that staying with you is wrong for her and she is likely to just get hurt again. But unknowingly she is also testing you. If she is genuinely hurt by the event and still has strong feelings for you which she is simply trying to force out, do not stalk her by her bedroom window at night. But don’t think that all is lost. Sometimes begging helps. Maybe not according to the great all-powerful pickup artists of the seduction community, but according to the women who actually make the decision to stay with you or ditch you forever. Continue to pursue her – don’t try to put the blame on her, don’t point out her faults to make yourself feel better. And for the love of Pete, don’t go off and hook up with more women while you’re trying to get her back because technically, you’re ’single’. If that is your mindset, walk away now – you don’t deserve her. Apologize, ask her what it will take for her to forgive you, swear to her (only if you mean it) that this will not happen again, send her flowers, chocolates, etc. Expect to be treated like a doormat for the a while (each woman holds on to grudges differently, you should have an idea of her personality when it comes to this)…but don’t put up with it forever.

Know when to stop crawling behind her like a puppy who’s done wrong and move on. If it gets to the point where she is simply taking advantage of your guilt, know that she has likely lost all feelings for you and you are now her personal guilt basket. Stop, take a look at yourself, and walk the other way. If the two of you are that compatible and right for each other, you will run across one another a few months, maybe even years, down the road. By this time she is likely to have gotten over it, you are likely to be mature enough to not make the same mistake twice, and you can attempt another relationship with each other. Until then, move on.

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And yes, I realize women cheat, too. This article specifically, though, is directed toward men. Sue me.