Who says angels can’t be hot? I did. I was never into the goody-goody angel with wings and a halo above its head thing. But as I watch Gabriel right now, I have officially changed my mind. Evil, corrupted angels can be very sexy :D. I guess this goes together with the whole vampire thing. Power and anarchy.

Gabriel

What is it about vampires that women find so attractive and is the idea of female vampires as attractive to men as the idea of male vampires is to women? I’m not talking about the original vampire here – the walking corpse, rotting and smelly and horrible. I’m talking about the vampires of modern literature. Think of your Amelia Atwater-Rhodes and her Den of Shadows series, Anne Rice’s vampires, even the vampires of Twilight (even though the writing here might make you throw up in your mouth a little).

And I have come to the conclusion that there are two reasons why people like vampires. The first, men share with women. Both genders like the idea (not all of us, I just mean that this desire isn’t limited to just men or just women) of being a vampire. When we think of being a vampire we think of living with no rules, no responsibilities, of not being restricted by society – of not even being part of society and its laws and limitations. But I’d like to focus more on the second type of attraction to vampires – the type that only women experience.

To many women, vampires are the epitome of seductiveness. We find ourselves drawn to the idea of vampires. I think that there are two main and simple reasons for this attraction. Vampires symbolize two main things for us – power and anarchy. Not only does modern literature paint vampires as physically attractive and handsome – tall, with chiseled features and toned/muscular bodies, but modern vampires are also physically and emotionally strong - they could snap a human’s neck without any sort of great physical effort. And not only are we drawn to the idea of unlimited physical power and strength, we’re drawn to the idea of emotional and mental power. Most vampires in modern literature are at least hundreds of years old. This makes them older than us, more experienced than us, wiser than us, and ‘above’ us on just about every level. Vampires are the higher species in comparison to humans. Vampires don’t follow the same rules humans do, if they follow any rules at all. Vampires symbolize danger. They kill people – they could kill us if they felt like it. It’s a constant adrenaline rush. We are drawn to the power they exude and the anarchy they stand for. We are drawn to being the one person who gets through to them, the one person whom this big, powerful creature chooses to “let in”. The thought of being desired by something so much stronger is unbelievably appealing to us.

I don’t think that men ‘get’ this type of attraction at all. Many men aren’t drawn to power in their partners – they are drawn to being considered powerful. They want to be (and should be) the strong one, the one who leads, the powerful one. So it really doesn’t make sense for them to be attracted to something with so much power that they could obviously never top, does it? When I asked HHAries if he thinks men are as attracted to female vampires as women are to male vampires, he said no. He said that many men tend to be attracted to innocence, purity, and to something they feel like protecting ^{“Or corrupting.” – Dex.}

I am so glad that I’m not a guy.

Someone just asked me what the fastest way ‘to get in my pants’ is. For the fourth time.

I figured it’d be an interesting thing for me to think about, but not answer directly. So instead I’ll write about why it would be very unlikely for this to happen.

I’m not going to say theres absolutely no way for a person to get in my pants. Anything is possible.

I am going to say that it is very, extremely, highly improbable that one would be able to do this, especially at this point in time.

Let’s take a look at the roadblocks that a person would run into if he/she was trying to get into my pants.

1) I am in an exclusive relationship of over 1 year and cheating is one of the highest, if not the highest, of my moral ‘no no’s. Sure, women are emotional creatures and morals can go flying out the window (just as they can with men). However, we have a brain too, you know. And this is one of those things that wouldn’t fly out of the window just like that. More like it would have to be dragged down by a 500-ton slab of rock.

2) Anyone who needs to ask me how to get into my pants probably wouldn’t be able to get into my pants.

3) If this person happens to be a female, her chances would be even lower as vaginas don’t really do it for me.

4) Sex with a person I’m not in an exclusive relationship with just doesn’t really appeal to me right now. It’s one of those things I have nothing against and promote for those who feel like they want to do it, but that I just don’t want to do at this point and didn’t want to do when I was single.

So, *you know who you are*, there’s something that’s kind of like an answer…but not really.

People say “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” or “it’s all about the personality” or “looks don’t matter”. Even I have admitted that looks are not as important as attraction in a man.

But there’s a catch. People who don’t take care of their looks are unattractive. I don’t care if you have a slightly crooked nose, I may still find you an attractive person. But I do not want to see curly nose hairs sticking out of that thing. 

The same goes for men and women. In fact, someone who may be considered conventionally good looking will still kill any attraction their looks may provide if they don’t care for themselves.

Some things to keep in mind when it comes to taking care of your body:

TEETH - yellow teeth are not attractive. You may have the straightest, most perfectly shaped teeth in the world. But if those pearly whites are actually pearly browns people will run for the hills. 

Tips: Brush your teeth twice daily and brush your tongue as well. Don’t forget mouthwash.

HAIR – Matted, dirty hair sends off a horrible impression. Wash it, darn it, wash your hair! Also, shave your damn legs if you’re a woman. And for both genders – pluck that fricking unibrow.

Tips: Washing your hair too often can actually get rid of essential oils that keep your hair clean and healthy. Washing every 2 to 3 days is recommended.

NAILS – If your fingernails and/or toenails are crusted with dirt and grime, if they’re yellow, if they appear raggedy and bitten, they will turn people off. You’d be surprised how much importance some people put on something as seemingly small as fingernails. It may not even be their appearance itself that turns people away – it’s the indication that you obviously don’t take care of them!

Tips: Stop biting your nails. There are products on the market which help people to break this bad habit, such as bad-tasting nail polish.

SKIN – Take care of your skin. If you’re a woman it’s easier to cover up bad skin using makeup. Most men do not wear makeup and pimply men are not attractive. Neither is overly dry or oily skin. I’m not saying it has to be perfect – I’m saying don’t let it look like you don’t give a crap about having healthy skin! And even if you wear makeup – bad skin will eventually catch up with you. And trust me, it’ll feel great to be able to go out without any makeup on and not have to worry about pimples or scabs. 

Tips: Invest in some pure Jojoba oil and apply a very small amount to your face daily. 

EARS – Is it that hard to pick up a cotton swab and clean out your ears once in a while? Seeing yellow gunk in that junk is really disgusting. 

Tips: Be careful not to stick those cotton swabs too far in your ears, they can cause damage!

Someone recently asked me: “Would you cuddle with a guy who’s just your good friend?”

First of all, this post obviously relates to exclusively human interaction. The more I thought about it, the more I started leaning toward a firm No.

What feeling do women get when they get cuddles from a man? I don’t know about all women, but I feel safe, protected, loved, and warm. Emotionally and physically, I feel just about as close to the person as I can get on a romantic level. And yes, more emotionally close to him than one might feel during sex. I mean, that’s why I want cuddles, for that feeling. I’ll hug a friend to show that I care about him, to make him feel better, to reconcile after an argument. But I’ll cuddle a boyfriend because I want to feel that connection that’s different from friendship.

I’ve cuddled with a friend before, once. They weren’t even real cuddles, they just felt like it. We worked together and were very close in our workplace. We’d regularly put our arms around each other, he’d come up to me from behind and hug me, there was a lot of touching in non-erogenous zones in general. It wasn’t cuddling, but it felt like it to me. I remember being sick one morning and he came up to me and hugged the crap out of me. I felt physically better for about 15 minutes after that hug! This boy still is the best hugger I’ve ever met, and I haven’t seen him in years.

Anyhow, the point is, all of those things had the same effect on me as actual cuddling does now because I liked the guy as more than just a friend at the time. And, from my experiences, when you’re attracted to someone, every sense of connection you get with them is magnified. If I’m not attracted to a guy who touches me on the arm but am comfortable around him, I probably won’t even notice the touch. Or maybe I’ll register it, but not feel that same sense of sexual connection as I would with someone who I think is attractive. It’s happened before.

Heck, when I do a Jim Beam shift and a guy happens to touch me, do I feel any closer to him? Do I feel any sort of sense of him belonging there? Hell no! I don’t like him, I don’t know him, and I’m not interested in getting to know him.

On the other hand, when a guy I am attracted to touches the small of my back to lead me through a doorway (and yes, friends do do that -.- ), I get that tingly feeling – you know the one, with shivers going up and down your spine? Yup, that one. It’s the same feeling I get with HHRay when we’re actually, really cuddling. Except with the old friend, there was so much tension there that it didn’t take cuddling to entice the feeling. The casual touching was as close as we got to cuddling at the time, so this touch is what reinforced the feeling of warmth, safety, and connection for me.

I guess we’re not really talking about actual cuddling anymore, but touching, feeling, kino, whatever you’d prefer to call it. But touch from someone I like, from someone I’m very attracted to and someone I know (and yes, it would not happen with a random stranger who happens to be attractive), gives off the same emotions as cuddling for me.

So now I guess I have to change my answer to the question. Would I ‘cuddle’ with someone who’s just a good friend? Yes, I would, if he felt like more than a friend to me. But hey, everybody’s different, I’m only speaking for myself.

The friend zone is such a self-inhibiting belief. rAFCs and PUAs constantly talk of being in the ‘friend zone’, of breaking out of the friend zone, of being careful not to go into the friend zone. There’s no such thing as the friend zone. There is only attraction and the lackthereof.

A girl doesn’t say ‘let’s just be friends’ because she’s too ‘used’ to you as a friend and can’t see you as anything more. She says it because friendship is a good excuse to give someone to whom you’re not attracted to. It’s easy because, in her mind, she’s not blatantly turning you down, but saying that she wants to keep some kind of relations going with you – just not the kind you want.

I’ve read an unbelievable amount of FRs where the guy talks about how he escalated with a good female friend, everything was going great, and at the perfect time…he didn’t pull the trigger because, as he described it, being in the friend zone caused him to hesitate (this isn’t about any particular FR, but about ALL of them).

If this same woman was someone that he just met that night, do you think he’d worry so much? No. Do you think he’d go for it? Of course. The situation would be the same, it’s the guy’s mindset that would be different. And do you think she’d go along? Yes, if he built attraction as he said he did! Nothing changes if this is someone who’s your friend. You build attraction – you escalate. You don’t build attraction – you don’t escalate (successfully, anyway). Whether you’ve known her for a year or a minute doesn’t matter. Just build attraction the same way you’d build attraction if it were anyone else. In fact, being her friend often gives you advantages as depending on the level of friendship, you have more of her trust than a random stranger. I wish men would stop putting up barriers for themselves.

Q: Why aren’t nice guys ever good enough? If a guy is always around when you need him, if he’s always paying for things for you, holding doors open, ect. Do you ever wonder if he likes you? Maybe even loves you? Or are girls just taking advantage of him, because they expect it from him?

Please enlighten me! I’m just as curious as the next guy.

—————————–

A: Coincidentally, I just recently read a passage in an e-book sent by an acquaintance PUA that dealt with this. Here’s a simple explanation for you, and a lot of this is just information found in this book. Read The Blueprint by Owen Cook when it comes out.
When a guy comes who just throws himself at a woman, he isn’t displaying high value. And that’s what men and women ultimately care about – value. Because high value in a man signals to us that he is fit to reproduce. This doesn’t necessarily mean money or looks. It means social value. Women are like radars – we are better built and structured to detect subtle body language and cues in a man that let us know just how much value that man possesses. If he showers us with gifts to make us like him, we will know and we will not respect this. He’s trying to prove to us that he is good enough for us and that he deserves us. Women want a man who is confident that he doesn’t need to prove his value to anyone.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being NICE to a girl. There’s nothing wrong with giving a gift. But think and be HONEST with yourself here – do you give gifts to make her happy or do you do it in hopes of her growing more attached to you, of seeing how giving and generous YOU are? If it is the latter, you’re simply trying to make her like you and she knows it. She categorizes you with all the other men who do the same thing, conditioned by society to think in these ways.

You can be nice – but at the same time, you have to be a person she knows she can look to for protection and guidance. You have to be the alpha male, the dominant force in the relationship. She is the woman – she will nurture you and support you. But by being a ‘nice guy who can’t lead’, you are shedding your responsibility of leading onto her. You are displaying low value and an inability to protect her and her potential offspring. It’s subconscious.

Stop crawling at a girl’s feet because you want to prove yourself to her or to make her like you. It is not an attractive quality. If you give a gift, give a gift because you want to see her smile and make her happy – not to get her adoration in return.

Dex added this useful alternative when it comes to gift-giving as well:

A ‘reward’ system is another alternative – give her gifts because she deserves them and she’ll accept them more readily. And ‘deserving’ doesn’t mean she has to be in a threesome with you and her twin sister before you give her flowers, it can be something simple. Consider:

“Hey babe, here are some flowers because I love seeing you happy”
vs
“Hey babe, thanks for picking me up yesterday, here’s some flowers.”
or maybe even

“Hey babe, I decided you rock and so I got you some flowers”

Let’s talk about boundaries. Every woman should set her own boundaries as to what is acceptable to her in a relationship. Now, that isn’t to say that you shouldn’t explore and perhaps expand those boundaries in the future. Boundaries can be useful to make sure that you don’t get sucked into a relationship that you are not happy with – a relationship that you are so attached and dependent on, that you are willing to put up with things that make you unhappy.

I suggest making a list of things that you absolutely would not accept in a relationship and let your partner know this. You can’t expect him to know what your boundaries are unless you reveal them to him clearly through your words or actions.

For example, here are two common boundaries in relationships:

- I will not accept physical or emotional infidelity.
- I will not put up with physical or emotional abuse.

Now, sitting down with your partner and handing him a list may work…but I bet you can find other ways to let him know what your boundaries are without making it an uncomfortable situation or without catching him off guard. For example, before I even got into my current relationship, I allowed it to slip several times in passing that if a guy cheats on me, I will leave immediately. It wasn’t a big deal because it hasn’t happened with this particular guy; heck, we weren’t even dating! But mentioning it in a conversation that happens to stray toward that topic without making it too subtle or too serious made me confident that he got the message. Even now when the topic comes up of other people being unfaithful, I sometimes mention that I could never put up with something like that. This doesn’t mean you have to beat the issue into his head – just make sure you make it sufficiently clear one way or another. Every man is different – some may just need a casual hint and some may need an outright blatant statement. You’ll have to judge for yourself.

Remember to follow through with it. If he does end up cheating on you, remember your boundary. Stop and think – is it healthy for you to stay with him after the event or are you just too sucked into and dependent on the relationship to leave? If it is the latter, it’s likely to be best to break up and work on getting rid of your one-itis (obsession with one person).

Boundaries help us to keep ourselves in check to make sure that we don’t stray away from our values for any one person. Change is not a bad thing, but it is better to change consciously and voluntarily than to one day find ourselves in an unhappy situation that we could have avoided if we had kept our original boundaries in mind.

The Law of Attraction basically states that anything you think of, you attract – whether it be negative or positive. I believe that this is true, but am finding it difficult to really put my all into it and dedicate myself to believing this. I’m having too many doubts in the back of my mind. From now on I will make a list of positive thoughts every once in a while and post them on the blog. Even if this doesn’t get me that million bucks I’ve been counting on from the universe, at least it’ll make my day a bit brighter.

FreeVerse of Penetrating Life has recently wrote a very nice blog post about the qualities that attract him to a woman. I was extremely pleased (and surprised) to find that looks was not on the list. Of course, looks are important, that’s a given. But it’s nice to see a post once in a while that focuses on deeper things – things that don’t fade with age. Be sure to read his post here.